Wednesday, 24 September 2014

I'm a Mom, but it doesn't end there

I am now a mother. This is something I have thought about for a long time and was absolutely ready for. I am sure that being a mom to Ruby will be one of the most amazing and challenging roles I will have in my life. But, and yes, there's a but, I'm not just a mom.

A little while ago, I went out to some events for moms/babies. I was looking to get out of the house, find some activities for Ruby and myself, you get the idea. One thing I was disturbed by was that the identity of the moms as these events was virtually non-existent. Almost no one introduced themselves, and in the more structured events, only the names of the babies mattered. In hindsight, I realize that I was going to a moms group and first thing we would all have in common was our babies, but I guess I expected to learn some more about the other mothers. Not so much.

I found it so disheartening that one day Nick came home and found me almost in tears. All of a sudden it felt like my former identity was stripped from me. The next day I came to my senses and realized that I am in control of who I am. Not only am I a mom, but I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend. An advice-giver, an HR Manager, a blogger. I have interests in things other than parenting and I believe that not only will that make me a better mom to Ruby, but it will make me a better role model to her as well.

Every mom had an identity before her children were born, and I don't think having a baby means you have to put that aside. Too many times I hear "well, I'm a mom now" like that somehow erases who you used to be. There are some clear lifestyle changes that moms tend to make, for example, no longer can I drink a bottle of wine and sleep the entire next day away). However, I will still make sure I get nights with my girlfriends and I will at least have a glass! Just as people don't define themselves only by their career choice, nor should mothers define themselves by motherhood alone.

My purpose for writing this isn't to criticize any mother and the choices she's made, it is simply to point out that there's no reason to lose yourself in motherhood.

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