Monday, 2 December 2013

Black(out) Friday

Hello Monday - as promised, here is the embarrassing story about last Friday. It's long and due to the nature of the story, I wasn't able to snap any selfies during the event. My apologies for the lack of photos.

While I am not a resident of the US, I, like most people, like a good deal. When I found out that Old Navy was have a 50% off the entire store sale, I thought it would be a good opportunity to get a dog-walking coat (read: long, cozy, hooded) on the cheap. Because really, who wants to spent a ton of money on a coat that’s just for walking the dog?

Anyway, Friday morning, I woke up extra early so I could get out the door and arrive at ON for 7am (when it opened). It would give me an hour and a bit to shop/wait in line. I quickly found a coat and a couple other things, and wandered around the store for a couple additional laps, just to make sure I had everything I needed. Then I noticed a very long line-up forming, so I hopped on in. Keep in mind, I was wearing a blouse, blazer, wool winter coat and huge scarf, while carrying a warm winter coat and sweater. Overall theme here, I was warm.

After a few minutes of waiting, I started to shed some layers. First, I just took off my scarf and tied it to my purse. When that didn’t help, I wiggled out of my coat (at this point I was carrying two warm coats, plus extra stuff). Then, I could feel it happening. My blood pressure was dropping (not out of the ordinary for me, especially when I’m too warm). So I casually got my lean on (thank goodness there is a sturdy railing, I thought). After leaning for a bit and squeezing all my butt/thigh muscles (it works), I still wasn’t feeling so great. It was happening. I was passing out.

My usual approach to passing out is to sit down, but with nowhere to sit, I just decided to crouch. So there I am, still a decent distance from the cash, crouched down in Old Navy. No one even acknowledged this (probably thought I was just lazy). The line moved so I stood up to move with the crowd. Bad idea, head still very light, I crouched back down. I then shimmied my way along the line, but by this point, there was no railing to hold on to, and I was growing concerned. THEN, I spotted my friend’s older brother (a few people ahead in line). He was conveniently located in front of the little fridge of drinks they have in ON. “Stephen!” I awkwardly called. “Can you grab me a Snapple from the fridge?” He looked totally confused, I told him I didn’t feel well, asked for the Strawberry Kiwi (who bothers with any other kind?). The woman in front of me reminded him to shake it first (thanks lady, because THAT was my top concern), he shook it, opened it, gave it to me, tried to make me feel better (but probably secretly didn’t want people to know that he actually knows me). The Snapple did nothing. I still couldn’t stand up. But I had made so much progress, only a few more minutes and I could be outta there with my good deals. So shimmied, crouched down, the rest of the way. I muttered a half-apology to the girl behind me, who finally acknowledged my existence and said ‘it’s ok, just don’t faint’. I was trying not to.

I made it to the cash register, stood up (difficult, to say the least), was tempted to throw my wallet at the girl and have her just grab a card, but instead, gracefully was able to pay my bill. Then I had to crouch down again, so now I looked like I was resting my head on the counter. Then she says “and can I please have your email address?” REALLY? I look like I’m dying. Is that really necessary? Instead of trying to explain why I wasn’t feeling good, I gave my email address, pulled myself back up, grabbed my bag and booked it to a soft chair just outside the Old Navy doors. I rested for 15 minutes, then made it to my car. What a loser! Why didn’t I just abandon my cheap coat?? I’m sure everyone that was near me in that store thought I was nuts. I swear I will never shop sales on my own ever again.

Ps. did I mention that not one person asked me if I was ok, or let me go ahead of them, just so I could get out quicker?

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